The Two Old Bachelors (Poem by Edward Lear)

The Two Old Bachelors

By Edward Lear

Two old Bachelors were living in one house;

One caught a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.

Said he who caught the Muffin to him who caught the Mouse, —

"This happens just in time! For we've nothing in the house,

Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey,

And what to do for dinner — since we haven't any money?

And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner,

But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?"

Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the Muffin, —

"We might cook this little Mouse, if we only had some Stuffin'!

If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well;

But how to get that Stuffin' it is difficult to tell!"

Those two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town

And asked for Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down;

They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be found

In the Shops, or in the Market, or in all the Gardens round.

But some one said, "A hill there is, a little to the north,

And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth;

And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage, —

An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.

Climb up, and seize him by the toes, — all studious as he sits, —

And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!

Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into Scraps), —

When your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good — perhaps."

Those two old Bachelors without loss of time

The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb;

And at the top, among the rocks, all seated in a nook,

They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.

"You earnest Sage!" aloud they cried, "your book you've read enough in!

We wish to chop you into bits to mix you into Stuffin'!"

But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful book,

At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took;

And over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down, —

At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or town;

And when they reached their house, they found (besides their want of Stuffin'),

The Mouse had fled—and, previously, had eaten up the Muffin.

They left their home in silence by the once convivial door;

And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.

Poem Analysis:

Edward Lear's poem "The Two Old Bachelors" is a whimsical and humorous narrative that explores the misadventures of two elderly, unmarried men living together. Through a series of absurd events, Lear presents a satirical commentary on the quirks and foibles of bachelorhood, while also showcasing his mastery of wordplay and absurdity. In this analysis, we will delve into the poem's themes, characters, and underlying messages.

Themes of Companionship and Resourcefulness: At its core, "The Two Old Bachelors" is a tale of companionship and resourcefulness. The poem opens with the two old bachelors facing a dilemma: they have almost no food left in the house. This predicament serves as a catalyst for their comical misadventures, as they embark on a quest to procure the necessary ingredients for a meal. It highlights the idea that friendship and cooperation are essential in overcoming life's challenges, no matter how trivial or absurd they may seem.

Satirical Commentary on Bachelorhood: Lear's poem offers a satirical commentary on the eccentricities often associated with bachelorhood. The two characters are depicted as somewhat bumbling and outlandish figures, perpetually in search of a solution to their problems. The absurdity of their actions, such as contemplating cooking a mouse for dinner, pokes fun at the unconventional lifestyles of bachelors. The poem invites readers to laugh at the characters' antics while subtly critiquing societal expectations regarding relationships and domesticity.

Wordplay and Absurdity: One of the most striking features of Lear's poem is his masterful use of wordplay and absurdity. The nonsensical nature of the poem, filled with imaginative language and playful rhymes, adds to its charm. Lear's creative use of language, such as "purpledicular" to describe the steep hill, showcases his talent for inventing whimsical words that contribute to the overall absurd atmosphere of the poem. This wordplay encourages readers to embrace the fantastical elements of the story and revel in its nonsensical humor.

The Unpredictability of Life: "The Two Old Bachelors" also conveys a sense of unpredictability in life. The poem unfolds in a series of unexpected events, from the initial lack of food to the pursuit of a sage for stuffing. The characters' plans go awry at every turn, culminating in their comically disastrous encounter with the sage, who retaliates with his enormous book. This chaotic narrative reflects the idea that life is often filled with unexpected twists and turns, and our best-laid plans can easily be upended.

Edward Lear's "The Two Old Bachelors" is a delightful and absurd exploration of companionship, resourcefulness, and the peculiarities of bachelorhood. Through playful language, satirical humor, and a cast of eccentric characters, Lear crafts a whimsical narrative that both entertains and offers subtle insights into human nature and the unpredictability of life. The poem reminds us to find humor in the absurdity of our own misadventures and to value the companionship of those who share in our quirks and follies.